Thursday, July 11, 2013

Dressing the loom

I should have known, but somehow things just slip my mind. Since I challenged the Lord in public to make something of me, I should have known that he would take up the dare. He dismantled my dearest dream on my birthday this year, and having lost that prospect, the dismantling of other projects and goals has continued. I am now able, not just willing, to give away most of my books, along with any other project that I've been saving the stuff to do but never have done. You know - furniture, clothes, memberships, browser bookmarks - all those things that I wanted to do something with but just never found the time for are disappearing.

I'm not nervous about it, I'm not grieving anything, all most of my tears have been shed and it's just a persistence of motion to clear things out. The only reason I mention it is that I'm a little shocked at my own behaviour. Books? Hundreds of books going out the door??? Any stick of furniture without a home will find one somewhere else. I find myself rebuking myself at length, out loud, every time my mind starts to wish for my old dream back again, and I listen and obey like a little child. It feels like a bit like the Ghost of Christmas Past having his chains pulled off his shoulders. We all see the futility of those chains, but we know it takes more than a good idea to get them off.

I suppose I could fight the process if I wanted. I'm sure I have before, but I'm in a sweet spot right now. I know about the ADHD now and I'm learning more about the neurological quirks that come with it, I have no family member for whom or to whom I am responsible, I'm not attached to my job or have any particular career goal to achieve, and I am very clear headed and know whom I have believed. Not many opportunities like this come along.

I recognized what was happening in my imagination first, saw the image of a loom being torn down and redressed from scratch, and as it turns out, the analogy holds very well indeed. I'll let a professional explain it:

"Dressing the loom is what took the most time.  For those who don’t know what all that means it’s a lot of work.  Dressing a loom just means getting the thread on a loom so that thread isn’t breaking all over the place.   It’s a lot of meditative work.  First are all the decisions:  are you making something specific and if so, how long and what length? ...
What it means though is cutting  a lot of strings a certain length and threading them through all these parts of the loom without tangling them.  Hence the meditative part.  Weaving, if nothing else, has taught me how to separate mandatory things to do and nice things to do."

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