Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The hills, the highways and the byways

I'm reasonably happy, I still have a job in this economy, my friends and family, my house projects are moving along, I'm progressing one step at a time in grief and what all recovery - things are okay. Yet, amongst the happy tunes and the French pop and the bluegrass whine and the piccolo solos in the airs and flourishes, my fingers dialed up this song on the way home this afternoon. Maybe it was the rain and the daily disappointments, but by the time I got to my own neighborhood I was quiet in my heart with tears streaming down my face, but not because I was sad.

This is the hardest thing to try to explain to someone, and I know I've heard a hundred personal stories and a thousand sermons trying to explain it to me, but I never understood a thing about it until this year. You see, I'm technically alright, until I turn to look into God's face and he lights up all my frustrations and anger, and all the things I've tried and failed, and all the things I know are waiting for me in Him but I cannot find no matter what I do or pray. 

I've heard it said that people who have died and gone to heaven and come back report it's always dark down here in comparison. No matter how bright the sun or pretty the day, nothing compares to the light of God's presence in all its fullness in heaven. In much the same way, I look and see God's character and goodness in Jesus, I hear his heart declaring his love for me in all the scriptures, and then I do my chores and my job and my laundry and my patience and my alms and my prayers and I rail at him because it's so tiring and I don't want to keep doing all of this. It's dark and cold and wet, nearly an endless Scottish night, and I want a lit hearth and a welcoming smile to greet me at my door.

Maybe we never notice these songs when we are still wet behind the ears. When we are young, we're sure we won't need them, but ones like this have meat and marrow - life to keep us moving on to the next step. I'm home in my own driveway now, the devil is beating his wife, and I'll get on with the next chore. But I'll let my tears fall with the rain one more time, because I have a Friend trudging along with me, even if he is just out of my sight. 

Now God walks the dark hills,
the ways, the highways.
And He walks on the billows
Of life's troubled sea.
And He walks in the cold, dark night
The shadows at midnight
God walks the dark hills
Just to guide you and me. 

God walks the dark hills
to guide my footsteps.
He walks everywhere, 
by night or by day.
And He walks in silence
on down the highway. 
God walks the dark hills
to show me the way. 

Then God walks in the storms,
the rain, the sunshine.
He still walks in the shadows, 
Or thru glimmering light.
He helps us walk up our mountains so high,
Cross our rivers, thru our valleys.
God still walks the dark hills,
He loves you and me.


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