Friday, March 28, 2014

Nailed me

...and probably does a fair job of describing her:

(Edit: Had the videos loaded in reverse. Sorry. Fixed it.)

Last week I downloaded a course on C. S. Lewis from The Great Courses. It's a good, solid overview and I recommend it.  In about the third lecture the guy mentions that you can't get outside of yourself to see what you are really like, you need someone else for that - like a psychotherapist. In my case, I really do, because I hide who I really am all the time, because I'm trying to get along. No disagreements, no fighting. This isn't news to me.

I didn't entertain the thought of therapy for long, it's expensive, but thru a series of prompts that I just obeyed without thinking, the Holy Spirit lead me to the above. (I love Him, I really do. Nobody sticks with me like He does.)  So, now I have a little more light on the subject, and perhaps I get a little more release from my chains.

The chains must be feeling the threat, however. This morning in my dreams I had gone on a holiday to a resort town with a large train complex. People would arrive on lovely trains (me, too) and stay in these lovely hotels, shop, see the beautiful mountains, you know - relax.

Mother came, too.

I went looking (running) for the front desk to at least find another room to stay in so I could have a moment's peace, and couldn't find it - and kept running and running and running looking for it.

Heh. ;) I'm still in the fight, and I WILL have my peace.

So then, back to work.


Sweetbriar said...

Ross Rosenberg, the fellow in those videos, has a book out called
The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us , so I got that and its Audible Audio Edition, it being the sort of thing that would listen well and good for pondering.

I'm up to Chapter 8 or so. Very good book, I recommend it. I got a big time revelation while listening about why I had done some of the things I'd done just a little while ago. I knew my responses in certain situations were not healthy and I was constantly having to remind myself out loud that what my head was doing was foolishness, but I couldn't figure out the structure underlying and linking all the behaviour and mental gymnastics. As Mr. Rosenberg explained in simplicity how a number of things were linked by causes and effects that I had not known before, I finally "got it."

Oh, what a release it is just to know what an issue is, and why I've been doing things a certain way, and why I've always known those things aren't acceptable to God because He is always interested in my being treated well and responding in kind to others. I just had to be thankful for a little while, and think about the things I had just learned.

So I thought, "I need to put on a little worship music and just hold these things up before the Lord." You know, just to examine the situation in His presence and meditate on it a bit.

"What would be a good song, Lord? I don't want to get off on some other track."

Hineh Hu, sung by Karen Davis, came the response.

Yes, I've had the album for years and already knew it. I knew some of the words, but I looked up the above link so I could get more of the translation, after all, it was a song He recommended right then.

Do you see it?
"He is the true light which gives light to every man which has
come into the world."

I've been asking and He's been answering. I've been in darkness for a long, long time, and He is keeping me thru it all.

"He is the light that shines in the darkness and the darkness did not overcome it."

No, it didn't.

He is, indeed, the glory of His people, Israel.

Hineh Hu

Hineh Hu Yeshua
Hineh Hu
Tiferet Yisrael
Hineh Hu Yeshua
Hineh Hu
Tiferet Yisrael amo
Behold Him, Yeshua
Behold Him
The glory of Your people Israel
Hu ha-or
V' ha-or meir
V' ha-choshech
Lo hisigo
Hu ha-or ha-amiti
Ha-meir l'chol adam
Ba el ha-olam

Luke 2:32
John 1:5,9
Behold Him, Yeshua, the glory of His people Israel. He is the light
that shines in the darkness and the darkness did not overcome it.
He is the true light which gives light to every man which has
come into the world.

Words & Music by Karen Davis
©2001 Galilee of the Nations Music/ASCAP
(Admin. by Fricout Music Company/ASCAP)

Sweetbriar said...

Just found this guy. Seems interesting. I've seen Mother do this a few times, we got so scared by it that we would try not to confront her again in fear that she would stroke out or something. NPD is serious stuff.

Sweetbriar said...

I found this on iTunes. Mother brought the album home and loved it when it first came out, I think she really identified with it. This song is the inner life of a narcissist. She was always telling me how she grew up in the movie theaters, watching Shirley Temple and all those love stories. She never really grew past that even tho she knew life wasn't like that. She just had no model for anything different.