Thursday, October 15, 2015

Putting things right

Somewhere at the beginning of this year I declared that this year was just for me, doing what I needed or wanted done, and not doing what other people needed or wanted. It's a break from the form I've always been molded into for the purpose of healing and finding my own needs and wants. A year in the life of middle aged person is not very long, but it can turn a life around. I'm thankful it isn't over yet. 

I'm reading Mere Christianity again and came across this:

"We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man." 

Progress. If we don't know what we're doing or where we want to be, then just doing is what we do, preferably as much as possible. The Democrats had their first presidential debate last night and everyone wanted to be a Progressive.  I think that's pop culture code for having a hipster lifestyle resumè. Looks very stylish to be poor, but no one talks about how painful and expensive it is to be poor. 

I'm trying to make progress in not only healing my life long frazzled mental state, but establishing where and how I want to spend the rest of my finite life. As it turns out, the time I'm spending going back to where I got things wrong (no matter who was at fault) and starting again with the most basic elements is the time it takes to turn the future. When I mean basic, I'm talking habits of self care, taking authority (not just responsibility) of what I believe, and continuing on with purging what I carry because I might and treasuring what I truly do want. 

The shortest way back to where you want to go really is turning around and going back to where you made the wrong turn. It wouldn't be possible at all if I were still in relationships with people who require me to be someone else, and that is so, so sad. I feel bad for them. I'm really someone they would have liked, but it just wasn't possible. 

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