Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Stars Hollow

It's fairy tale land, isn't it. I never watched Gilmore Girls before, but there's a binge on from the beginning, so I'm giving it a go from the pilot onwards. They talk way too much, but it's very enchanting, it reminds me of my high school years somehow. Lorelei is the young woman I wanted to be - clothes, house, life, huge sapphire eyes, and loved by everyone in her charming circle of friends.

 Of course, I'm nothing like her,

but watching the show somehow stirs up that start over can-do magic that has me up and moving again.

Yet, it's the dead of winter, not a sleigh ride with clever conversation in sight, and I've spent too much time with internet click bait and the news. I've been watching Leah Remini's show about Scientology, too, and very disheartened at a number of the same techniques I've fallen for in otherwise orthodox Christian churches over the years. There's always more money, more prayer, more sacrifice, more of something else required to go on to the "next level" in church or in God.

Between the absolutely horrifying things people who don't give a damn about God do to each other and the selfish manipulation by people who are supposed to love God with all their hearts, Jesus will have to come back soon or no one will have any faith left to communicate it to the next generation. EVERYTHING that has been sneaking around in men's hearts [women, too] is being filmed and posted on the internet. There is nothing hidden from sight and there is nowhere left on the planet to hide and pretend it doesn't exist anymore. The planet is fetid with rot, it has been for tens of thousands of years, the same murders and perversities perpetrated generation after generation.

The only thing left that would shock us all would be if the King of Kings were to come and make this human race worthy of life, even if only for a short while. I'm way past thinking that the saints can do it. It's God alone who has the wisdom and the power to make anything good, the most anyone else can offer is availability and obedience. Knowledge, wisdom, foresight, and comprehension are long departed from the people of God - so much so that it's the sign of a rookie to think that we can do anything to repair this world, much less "go higher."

I was reading this article about passive aggressive behavior when I noticed that's the very way I've been treating God for awhile now.

"Passive aggression is a deliberate and masked way of expressing covert feelings of anger. This “sugar coated hostility” involves a variety of behaviors designed to get back at another person without the other recognizing the underlying anger. When a person is able to quickly identify hallmark passive aggressive behaviors for what they are—hidden expressions of anger—they take the first critical step in disengaging from the destructive dynamic. Some of the most common passive aggressive behaviors to be aware of include:

Behaving beneath customary standards
Pretending not to see, hear, remember, or understand requests
The silent treatment
Sulking & withdrawal
Refusing to Engage

I left in bold the ones I've been doing with the Lord, but especially the last one - refusing to engage.

If you've been a co-dependent in a relationship with a borderline, or an alcoholic, or an addict, or someone otherwise more aggressive and powerful than you, then you've learned passive aggressive behavior also, and are probably doing it in ways and with people you didn't realize you were doing it with. It shuts down a relationship, it's impossible to be honest and intimate with someone and be hiding or protecting your anger with passive aggression at the same time.

And I'm just going to leave that there.

The merry fairy tale land of Stars Hollow has reminded me that today is another day and, with God, there is always beginning again.  I'm free, there is still time.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Poland? Russia?

Come on, people, no one from Poland or Russia is really reading this blog, so why the hits? I'm not a blog techie, I have no idea how to figure it out, but really, what's with it? If you've hacked it for some reason that I can't see, at least have the courtesy to read a post now and then and leave a genuine comment.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Childhood dissociation

Stumbled across this online radio broadcast while googling the name Joyanna. (Never the direct route for me, eh?) Very interesting to me, she mentions several things that I learned to do when very young and I think it's the right time for me to rummage around some more in the area.  Maybe it will help someone else.

Understanding and Working with Childhood Dissociation

May 21, 2013
Hosted by Lisa Ferentz